The popularity of bestselling memoirs such as When Breath Becomes Air and The Bright Hour, both meditations on death by authors who died young, suggest that death is a topic many of us like to think about (while alone, reading silently) ? yet, it is still a subject many of us are woefully bad at talking about, particularly when it comes to discussing it with kids.
我们都需要更好的“死亡教育”，安大略省湖首大学社会工作副教授、新书《谈论死亡不会杀了你：结束死亡的基本指南》的作者凯西·科尔特斯-米勒博士说。生活对话。就像加拿大虚拟临终关怀协会去年 11 月推出的一个新网站一样，这本书探讨了仍然是一个禁忌话题，并展示了如何开诚布公地谈论它。
为什么我们很难和孩子们谈论死亡？
作为父母，我们的文化和条件是保护我们的孩子。我们这一代人并没有真正学会如何谈论它。在我为人父母之前，我真的很擅长和孩子们谈论死亡和死亡。然后我自己成为了父母，发现这比我想象的要难得多。
忽略这个话题，或者不提起它，除非他们这样做，会有什么风险？
它使它成为一个可怕且几乎是禁忌的话题而鲜为人知。我们[需要]认识到这是我们生活中的一个过渡事件，我们可以为之做好准备，也可以了解这一事件，这样做将帮助我们更充实地生活并为未来做好准备生命的尽头。
向孩子解释死亡的最佳方式是什么？
当然，这取决于孩子的年龄。但其中一种方法是环顾自然。孩子们很好奇。他们对事物如何死亡以及它们会发生什么很感兴趣。他们经常会看到自然界中的事物并提出问题。这些都是开始对话的好方法。随着年龄的增长，他们开始看电视并开始读书。孩子们接触到的媒体中有很多死亡和死亡，这些也是非常好的对话开场白。
你提到大自然经常提供谈论死亡的机会。我曾告诉我的孩子们他们看到一只死松鼠只是在睡觉，这让我感到内疚。
That's an easy one to do. We're almost scared to use the D words ? dead, dying and death. But we confuse them if we use euphemisms. Having worked with young kids in a counselling role as a social worker in a hospice unit, when we talk about "oh, grandpa's just gone for the big sleep," instead of he's died, kids get nightmares. Kids don't want to go to bed at night because grandpa went to sleep and he didn't wake up.
当一个孩子想知道死亡是什么时，是否有一个不会吓到孩子的对身体过程的良好描述？
我有时会从生理的角度来谈论它。现实情况是，有时我们真的病得很重，或者我们变老了，我们的身体不再按照我们需要的方式运作，结果，我们的心脏或大脑等一些东西停止工作，作为一个结果，我们的身体死了。它停止工作。这就是我开始谈话的方式。我会留给年轻人问一些问题，看看他们想知道更多。
你在书中说睡前时间是进行这些对话的好时机。为什么？
根据孩子的年龄，就寝时间可能会很好。通常，有一些仪式和时间花在床上看书，埋头做所有这些事情，这是进行对话的好时机。随着孩子年龄的增长，我们进入了更多我称之为专车驾驶的时代，车上的谈话也非常好，特别是因为孩子们不必进行眼神交流。
有没有你最讨厌的关于死亡的委婉说法？
一个可能最常见的想法是人们“过世”。我在书中谈到山姆的这个故事，当时他真的很困惑，因为他在学校，在学校里他们谈论要升入下一年级，而他认识的唯一通过考试的人是他妈妈。所以我认为特别适合儿童的那个是一个大的。
孩子们通常似乎能够处理比我们认为的更多的事情。
是的。当然。
帮助因父母或亲人去世而悲痛的儿童或青少年总是很困难。你告诉他们什么？你如何帮助他们理解事物？加拿大虚拟临终关怀中心最近推出了一个网站 KidsGrief.ca，以帮助回答这些问题。多伦多注册心理治疗师兼该项目的联合负责人安德里亚·沃尼克 (Andrea Warnick) 说，与年幼的孩子谈论四个 C 尤为重要。
“四个 C 是孩子们在有人重病、垂死或已经去世时的四个常见问题。我们真的在努力鼓励家庭解决这些问题，即使孩子们没有抚养他们，”她说。
原因： Am I in some way responsible? ?A lot of parents are really surprised when they find out that their child has been thinking that they did something to cause the illness or death in their family,? Warnick says. She has worked with children who thought their mom got throat cancer from yelling at them to clean their rooms. ?We really want families to let their kids know that this is not their fault, they did not cause this in any way,? she says.
抓住： ?A lot of families will avoid the word of the actual illness. So as opposed to saying, ?Daddy has cancer,? or ?Dad has ALS,? they?ll say, ?Daddy?s sick.? And for kids whose reference for sickness is that it gets spread across the daycare, or one person gets the flu and then the next person does, that scares them and they often think it?s going to happen to them too or they can catch it,? Warnick says. You can still hug your dad, still kiss him. You can still cuddle.
治愈： You have to let your kids know they can?t cure it. ?This is not in their control,? Warnick says. ?A lot of kids will use the power of their imaginations to come up with pacts, promising a higher power that they will never fight with their mom again if they cure them, and then, of course, they fight. I?ve had a number of kids feeling very responsible that they did something that could have happened otherwise.?
关心： This is one of the kids? biggest fears. ?If there?s a parent or a primary caregiver who is ill or dying, who is going to take care of me?? Warnick says. Or if the person has already died, is this going to happen to my other parent or whoever it is who is now taking care of them? ?A lot of kids are really worried about that. And that?s where we really walk families through how to talk about that. Some families are tempted to say no, but it won?t happen to me. And we can?t promise a child that. So we really encourage families to say: Most likely I?m going to live to be very old, but if anything does happen to me, this is who is going to take care of you. Hopefully, guardians are picked out. Let them know what the plan is.?
