The popularity of bestselling memoirs such as When Breath Becomes Air and The Bright Hour, both meditations on death by authors who died young, suggest that death is a topic many of us like to think about (while alone, reading silently) ? yet, it is still a subject many of us are woefully bad at talking about, particularly when it comes to discussing it with kids.
我们都需要更好的“死亡教育”，安大略省湖首大学社会工作副教授、新书《谈论死亡不会杀了你：结束死亡的基本指南》的作者凯西·科尔特斯-米勒博士说。生活对话。就像加拿大虚拟临终关怀协会去年 11 月推出的一个新网站一样，这本书探讨了仍然是一个禁忌话题，并展示了如何开诚布公地谈论它。
That's an easy one to do. We're almost scared to use the D words ? dead, dying and death. But we confuse them if we use euphemisms. Having worked with young kids in a counselling role as a social worker in a hospice unit, when we talk about "oh, grandpa's just gone for the big sleep," instead of he's died, kids get nightmares. Kids don't want to go to bed at night because grandpa went to sleep and he didn't wake up.
帮助因父母或亲人去世而悲痛的儿童或青少年总是很困难。你告诉他们什么？你如何帮助他们理解事物？加拿大虚拟临终关怀中心最近推出了一个网站 KidsGrief.ca，以帮助回答这些问题。多伦多注册心理治疗师兼该项目的联合负责人安德里亚·沃尼克 (Andrea Warnick) 说，与年幼的孩子谈论四个 C 尤为重要。
“四个 C 是孩子们在有人重病、垂死或已经去世时的四个常见问题。我们真的在努力鼓励家庭解决这些问题，即使孩子们没有抚养他们，”她说。
原因： Am I in some way responsible? ?A lot of parents are really surprised when they find out that their child has been thinking that they did something to cause the illness or death in their family,? Warnick says. She has worked with children who thought their mom got throat cancer from yelling at them to clean their rooms. ?We really want families to let their kids know that this is not their fault, they did not cause this in any way,? she says.
抓住： ?A lot of families will avoid the word of the actual illness. So as opposed to saying, ?Daddy has cancer,? or ?Dad has ALS,? they?ll say, ?Daddy?s sick.? And for kids whose reference for sickness is that it gets spread across the daycare, or one person gets the flu and then the next person does, that scares them and they often think it?s going to happen to them too or they can catch it,? Warnick says. You can still hug your dad, still kiss him. You can still cuddle.
治愈： You have to let your kids know they can?t cure it. ?This is not in their control,? Warnick says. ?A lot of kids will use the power of their imaginations to come up with pacts, promising a higher power that they will never fight with their mom again if they cure them, and then, of course, they fight. I?ve had a number of kids feeling very responsible that they did something that could have happened otherwise.?
关心： This is one of the kids? biggest fears. ?If there?s a parent or a primary caregiver who is ill or dying, who is going to take care of me?? Warnick says. Or if the person has already died, is this going to happen to my other parent or whoever it is who is now taking care of them? ?A lot of kids are really worried about that. And that?s where we really walk families through how to talk about that. Some families are tempted to say no, but it won?t happen to me. And we can?t promise a child that. So we really encourage families to say: Most likely I?m going to live to be very old, but if anything does happen to me, this is who is going to take care of you. Hopefully, guardians are picked out. Let them know what the plan is.?